- I can show my affection for a friend or family member by supporting them at the death of their loved one. Rarely does someone say, Why in the world are you at my aunt's funeral? The grieving family members are usually grateful for the numbers of people who come to show their love and support.
- I can watch and learn about good, bad, and indifferent funeral services. I enjoy this because part of my job is to help with funeral services that take place here at our church. I learn a lot from the services that I have attended.
- I can learn about people. I like to observe the actions and reactions of people. I watch to see what behaviors and what words seem to mean the most to the grieving family members.
- I learn wonderful things about the person who has died. In my mind, a "good" funeral leaves the attenders thinking: I wish I had known this person better. Wow, I didn't know he/she did that! A funeral services fleshes out the life of a person I barely knew or only knew in one aspect. Through the funeral eulogy and sharing and comments from others, I learn about all the other parts of a person's life, how their siblings viewed them, what their children thought about them, why their friends loved them so much. A funeral honors and lifts up the person who has left this life.
- The "best" funerals are celebrations - because we don't "grieve as the rest of men, who have no hope" (I Thessalonians 4:13). Our grief is for those left behind, who will miss the one who died. We rejoice for the one who has walked into the presence of their Lord and Savior - who are enjoying their new home with Jesus.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
When Death Comes
Two weeks ago I attended the funeral of a woman I barely knew. Some people would ask, Why did you go? The answer may seem very strange: I appreciate funerals. At a funeral, I have the opportunity to do several things:
Thursday, November 11, 2010
The Way to (Every)man's heart........
I don't cook. No one has ever raved over my cooking. I really don't like to cook. I don't cook! Therefore, I have felt "exempt" from providing meals for people who are in a crisis. After all, no one has ever raved about my cooking. But....
I'm changing my mind due to my experience over the last two weeks. While my Mom was still in the hospital I started receiving emails and phone calls from people who wanted to bring a meal. Of course, I accepted the offers - with glee (because "I don't cook".) By the time Mom had been home one week, we had a refrigerator full of different meals. Almost every day for 10 days , someone has arrived with homemade cookies, soups, salads, casseroles. Every meal is different. They are all delicious. And each one not only fills our stomachs but envelopes us with love.
I have thought this out.... we all have some one recipe that is a family favorite (I DO make a mean meat loaf!) No one needs to know that that is the only tasty thing I make. It sounds trite, but it IS the thought that counts.
My takeaway - After all of this time, I realize that I can join the Meals Ministry at our church. By way of the Take Them a Meal website, I can see what others are bringing and when, and if I sign up right away, I can make sure that I provide the first Meat Loaf meal the family gets.
I'm changing my mind due to my experience over the last two weeks. While my Mom was still in the hospital I started receiving emails and phone calls from people who wanted to bring a meal. Of course, I accepted the offers - with glee (because "I don't cook".) By the time Mom had been home one week, we had a refrigerator full of different meals. Almost every day for 10 days , someone has arrived with homemade cookies, soups, salads, casseroles. Every meal is different. They are all delicious. And each one not only fills our stomachs but envelopes us with love.
I have thought this out.... we all have some one recipe that is a family favorite (I DO make a mean meat loaf!) No one needs to know that that is the only tasty thing I make. It sounds trite, but it IS the thought that counts.
My takeaway - After all of this time, I realize that I can join the Meals Ministry at our church. By way of the Take Them a Meal website, I can see what others are bringing and when, and if I sign up right away, I can make sure that I provide the first Meat Loaf meal the family gets.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Care-giving Up Close and Personal
I was scared! Scared and sad, and lonely, and feeling inadequate and in- over-my-head. I'm not ready for this yet, Lord!
My just-turned 86 year old Mom fell Saturday morning in the bathroom, just behind my back - within three feet of me! If I had just been facing her, instead of the other direction! She needed time to sit on the floor and gather her thoughts and quiet her stomach. That's normal. What wasn't normal was the amount of pain she was in when I tried to help her up. She couldn't bear any weight on her right hip.
It was a blessing that my son, Dave, was here for the weekend. Together we helped her down the stairs and into a comfortable chair. That's when I began to realize that my life was going to change - for a while at least. I found my Dad's old walker down in the basement. But she was so trembly when she used it that I needed to put my weight on the walker to stabilize it. When she was sitting in the chair, she seemed more like herself, but sometimes she got a faraway look in her eyes. I'm sure she, too, was wondering about how her life was going to change. Is this it, Lord?
The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. I went ahead with plans to have my sister and her family over for dinner. My son and I cleaned the garage and stained the deck. I left messages for my other son and my daughter and son-in-law (both doctors).
When my sister and family arrived late Saturday afternoon, Mom confessed to them that she didn't remember falling, and, even worse, when she fell three weeks ago outside, she had no idea that she was falling or how she got herself up and into the house. We put Mom in a rolling desk chair and pushed her to the dinner table where she sat quietly - just enjoying listening to her grandchildren reconnect. After dinner, just as the Ohio State game came on TV, my daughter called. When I told her of Mom's memory deficits, she insisted that I take her to the ER right then. That's when I really began to be scared. It was easier, with several grown men around, for them to pick Mom up and put her in the car, rather than try to assist her down our front steps. Once we were in the car, my sister following in hers, the pitch black sky reflected my somber thoughts. I grabbed Mom's hand and prayed as I drove - for good results, a not-busy ER so that tests could be run quickly and results returned. Just as I said AMEN, Mom and I both saw a star falling from the sky right in front of us - near the Loveland exit of 275! It seemed to us, that God was assuring us of His presence and His protection. As clear as day, in the middle of a dark fall night!
When we reached the ER it took 3 medical people to help Mom out of the car and into a wheelchair, but my sister and I were both so grateful for their help! Even though they were in Halloween costumes!! Mom was taken into triage and soon we were with her in a room. I was so grateful when they almost immediately came to take her to X-ray. She no sooner arrived back from X-ray than another person came to take her for other tests. We were among a very few patients there and had lots of attention. It was only after all tests had been run, and we were waiting to hear results that ambulance after ambulance unloaded precious cargo right in front of our curtained cubicle. We heard snatches of conversations between EMT's and receptionist staff - "multiple car accidents", "a bike accident on the way", "you can sure tell its Halloween and a Saturday night". I was thanking God for bringing us there right before all the craziness happened!
I find ER's more interesting than most people might because my daughter is an ER doc and I try to picture her in that scenario. However, there is nothing more boring that sitting in a straight chair totally exposed to busy ER staff waiting for results as the hours slowly pass. I think we arrived around 8:30 and it was probably after midnight when we learned the good news - no broken bones! Probably a deep muscle bruise was causing the pain. They would be admitting her for Physical therapy and to continue to try to figure out why she blacked out. Janet and I were both trying to nap with our heads on Mom's bed rail when at 2 am they finally came to take her to a room. We grabbed all of our "stuff" - purses, Mom's robe, a "snuggie", Mom's coat - tried to keep up with the transporter who was sailing Mom's bed down the unusually quiet hallways. We crowded around Mom's bed in the elevator and finally arrived in her new room on the 6th floor. Mom's new nurse and PCA greeted her warmly and I knew she was in good hands. We kissed her goodnight and headed home at 2:30 am to climb into our own beds and try to get enough sleep to make it through the next day.
Mom is home now and we are beginning to get into a routine. Here are some things I am learning about care-giving, up close and personal:
• It is frightening to be the caregiver who lives in the home with the patient – especially if you live alone.
• Phone calls are always appreciated. Just keep them brief and be sensitive to what may be going on in the hospital room or home.
• Meals are always good!
• An offer to sit with the patient so that the caregiver can get away to take care of their “normal” life activities helps - lots!
• Nights are long, but joy comes in the morning!
• Cards and notes bring joy to the patient and also to the ones who love them so much!
• Friends can be family just as much as blood relatives can be.
• God is a strong tower – my hiding place – safe and secure from all alarms.
My just-turned 86 year old Mom fell Saturday morning in the bathroom, just behind my back - within three feet of me! If I had just been facing her, instead of the other direction! She needed time to sit on the floor and gather her thoughts and quiet her stomach. That's normal. What wasn't normal was the amount of pain she was in when I tried to help her up. She couldn't bear any weight on her right hip.
It was a blessing that my son, Dave, was here for the weekend. Together we helped her down the stairs and into a comfortable chair. That's when I began to realize that my life was going to change - for a while at least. I found my Dad's old walker down in the basement. But she was so trembly when she used it that I needed to put my weight on the walker to stabilize it. When she was sitting in the chair, she seemed more like herself, but sometimes she got a faraway look in her eyes. I'm sure she, too, was wondering about how her life was going to change. Is this it, Lord?
The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. I went ahead with plans to have my sister and her family over for dinner. My son and I cleaned the garage and stained the deck. I left messages for my other son and my daughter and son-in-law (both doctors).
When my sister and family arrived late Saturday afternoon, Mom confessed to them that she didn't remember falling, and, even worse, when she fell three weeks ago outside, she had no idea that she was falling or how she got herself up and into the house. We put Mom in a rolling desk chair and pushed her to the dinner table where she sat quietly - just enjoying listening to her grandchildren reconnect. After dinner, just as the Ohio State game came on TV, my daughter called. When I told her of Mom's memory deficits, she insisted that I take her to the ER right then. That's when I really began to be scared. It was easier, with several grown men around, for them to pick Mom up and put her in the car, rather than try to assist her down our front steps. Once we were in the car, my sister following in hers, the pitch black sky reflected my somber thoughts. I grabbed Mom's hand and prayed as I drove - for good results, a not-busy ER so that tests could be run quickly and results returned. Just as I said AMEN, Mom and I both saw a star falling from the sky right in front of us - near the Loveland exit of 275! It seemed to us, that God was assuring us of His presence and His protection. As clear as day, in the middle of a dark fall night!
When we reached the ER it took 3 medical people to help Mom out of the car and into a wheelchair, but my sister and I were both so grateful for their help! Even though they were in Halloween costumes!! Mom was taken into triage and soon we were with her in a room. I was so grateful when they almost immediately came to take her to X-ray. She no sooner arrived back from X-ray than another person came to take her for other tests. We were among a very few patients there and had lots of attention. It was only after all tests had been run, and we were waiting to hear results that ambulance after ambulance unloaded precious cargo right in front of our curtained cubicle. We heard snatches of conversations between EMT's and receptionist staff - "multiple car accidents", "a bike accident on the way", "you can sure tell its Halloween and a Saturday night". I was thanking God for bringing us there right before all the craziness happened!
I find ER's more interesting than most people might because my daughter is an ER doc and I try to picture her in that scenario. However, there is nothing more boring that sitting in a straight chair totally exposed to busy ER staff waiting for results as the hours slowly pass. I think we arrived around 8:30 and it was probably after midnight when we learned the good news - no broken bones! Probably a deep muscle bruise was causing the pain. They would be admitting her for Physical therapy and to continue to try to figure out why she blacked out. Janet and I were both trying to nap with our heads on Mom's bed rail when at 2 am they finally came to take her to a room. We grabbed all of our "stuff" - purses, Mom's robe, a "snuggie", Mom's coat - tried to keep up with the transporter who was sailing Mom's bed down the unusually quiet hallways. We crowded around Mom's bed in the elevator and finally arrived in her new room on the 6th floor. Mom's new nurse and PCA greeted her warmly and I knew she was in good hands. We kissed her goodnight and headed home at 2:30 am to climb into our own beds and try to get enough sleep to make it through the next day.
Mom is home now and we are beginning to get into a routine. Here are some things I am learning about care-giving, up close and personal:
• It is frightening to be the caregiver who lives in the home with the patient – especially if you live alone.
• Phone calls are always appreciated. Just keep them brief and be sensitive to what may be going on in the hospital room or home.
• Meals are always good!
• An offer to sit with the patient so that the caregiver can get away to take care of their “normal” life activities helps - lots!
• Nights are long, but joy comes in the morning!
• Cards and notes bring joy to the patient and also to the ones who love them so much!
• Friends can be family just as much as blood relatives can be.
• God is a strong tower – my hiding place – safe and secure from all alarms.
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